Last updated 05 February 2007
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JOLKA POKES





Jata and Jeff had word fights for years. All their friends lived through it and thought for sure Jeff would get one on the chin someday. Their friend, Janek, kept waiting for the day when Jeff would get one from Jata's fist.

One day, things became so heated, Janek knew something would finally happen. Jeff edged Jata on and Janek was there to be the referee.

As Jeff stood the stance, fearless and ready to "take one" from Jata, Janek finally grew impatient. Tired of waiting for Jata to land that first shot at Jeff's chin, he screamed,

"Gee Jata,.... Jeff's Chin's Out.... Gee Jata... Gee Jata."



Chet loved tennis but was also a fanatic about the condition of the court. He was actually more concerned with the net and wanted it to fall straight, even and still. Over the years, Chet developed a large comb to make sure the net on the court was just perfect. Many of his opponents became accustomed to Chet's antics but when he began combing the net they finally couldn't stand it and would yell out,

"Yeah Chet, Yeah Chet, comb your net Chet."



Some friends of the PAJ staff made their way down from Welland, Ontario, Canada recently and told us about the time the Welland Canal, because of continuous rains, had overflowed, causing irreparable damage to the crops in the surrounding areas. During a city council meeting the local resident expert on crop harvesting, a certain Mr. Walter, stood up and insisted that the crop could be saved if only they could begin harvesting immediately. This prompted a young woman in the audience to firmly respond,

"Oh you'll never. Mr. Walter, 'til the Welland's dry



It was early morning the day after Dyngus Day. Since Ron enjoyed a generous amount of hard boiled eggs and beer the evening before, it should not have surprised his neighbors when his wife screemed:

Ron OH Ron OH Ron you Stinker!

submitted by Greg Durski



There was a lady named Zelda and a guy named Bob. They were neighbors. Zelda loved keeping her place nice, neat and very attractive. Her greatest pride was her lush yard. Always manicured, it was the prettiest green grass in the entire neighborhood - probably the entire city. Now Bob being a "guy", didn't keep things as meticilously perfect around his house. Oh, it was always clean and picked up, just not as meticulous as Zelda's house. But, Bob had a couple of cars. One was an old "beater" that he used for work and to run errands. The other was a late model cherry red sports car that he used for his weekly cruising.

Now Bob and Zelda would frequently play practical jokes on each other. After pulling one on Zelda, Bob knew he would soon be a "victim" himself. After a few days, nothing happened and it was time for Bob to go on his weekly "cruisings". After a night out, he parked his car in the driveway. Not noticing that the keys to his car fell to the ground, he went in the house and to sleep. After waking the next morning, he looked out his window and noticed his sports car was gone! In a state of panic, he ran outside and up and down the street. He heard a couple of neighbors talking and as he approached them, one said to the other, " Did you hear the latest? Zelda found Bob's car keys this morning. She called a friend and told him about it and when he arrived:

Zel' loaned out Bob's red car!

submitted by Greg Durski



There was a famous betting parlor located in the "lil' polonia" side of town. Stas and Laura were lovesick for each other and would always take a few bucks to place a bet or two. Stas and Laura loved their weekly betting routine. It was getting very close to post time for the race and Stas and Laura were running late. They flew out the door and made their way the couple of blocks to the betting parlor and were next in line at the window. All of a sudden, the door was slammed shut just as they stepped up! Both Stas and Laura begin to argue vehemently. After a few moments, the manager had enough of their whining and yelled out from behind the counter

Stas Laura --- Stas Laura - All Bets Are Done Right Now!

submitted by Greg Durski



Edward Bee, leader of the rebellion crew, had planned things well. No matter, his wife Mary Lou was worried and had threatened to leave him if he continued.

He had arranged for two stowaways to board the ship in England, to help with the taking of the vessel which was now anchored in Boston harbor. His only concern was to keep the stowaway hidden and safe when the action started. They had to get the cargo and toss it into the water.

Everything worked as planned. Edward and his men surprised all when they scampered aboard the ship. The Stowaways ran to the men for protection and Edward Bee yelled out:

" Hide two stowaways and heave tea, - my merry crew!"



The entire newspaper office was in stitches the other day, as a story was related in an effort to explain a photo which has adorned the wall above a desk. The photograph shows a youthful gentleman, who Larry identified for us as Myron "Toot" Tutlewski, wearing the uniform of a hockey goalie, and hurling a puck directly at the head of the forward for the Plywood Yankees hockey club. Larry's face took on a nostalgic glow as he explained the goalies actions. "The Yankees, you see, were a very spirited club, and any time they posted a big victory, they would go through this weird ritual of throwing pucks at each other. They used to refer to it as Lobbin 'the Robin. Well back in `68, the team was down in a critical game against the Chicago Pindo's when "Toot" exploded for the hat trick, giving them a tie, and restoring some badly shaken confidence. After the game, as he and Myron were going through their ritual, a photographer happened to catch it on film and ran it in the evening edition.

The caption read: "Toot ties Chicago. Shown Lobbin' his robin upon Yankee."


The Vona family had owned a shoe store for many years and the time had come for their son, Chad, to take over the business. The enterprising son immediately changed the name of the franchise to "Shoe Boutiques" and developed a local chain Identifying them with Letters A, B, C, D, etc. This bucked the family tradition of numbering them the standard way, 1, 2, 3, 4, etc.

The fifth store, as fate would have it, opened in the Polish section of town and strange as it may seem, this particular store sold only RED shoes. It became known the world over as, "Chad Vona's Boutique "E"


Still a Mama's boy, although well past the age of 40, he spent most of his time on the front porch resulting in the neighborhood kids giving him the nickname "Porch Guy." The kids also knew he always phoned his mother, like a little tattletale, after they played a practical joke on him.

So, after every practical joke, the kids in the neighborhood would taunt him even more by running through his front yard yelling, "Porch Guy, Porch Guy, Phone Your Mom Yet?"


If you have a "new" JOLKA POKE, send it to: PAJPOLKA@VERIZON.NET with JOLKA POKE in the subject.


Copyright 2006 Polish American Journal



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